RE3 – Family DEMO
How can you best respond to how people feel when you tell them unwelcome news? When adolescents are told they have to cancel plans to go out that night with friends?
Our new online interactive training tool Responding Effectively to Emotional Expressions (we refer to it as RE³) helps you figure out what to say and what not to say, and why.
RE³ assumes you already know how to spot the emotions that are displayed. The focus is not on how to recognize emotion but how to respond to emotions. If you want some help on recognizing emotion, go to the Face Suite and use METT3.0 and SETT 3.0. (You don’t need to also use METT profile and METT+ before using RE³, but those training tools will expand and improve your ability to spot facial expressions.)
Uncertain about the difference between RE³, METT, and SETT?
RE³ helps you determine how to respond to someone’s emotional expressions. RE³ assumes you already have acquired the skills to recognize facial expressions. METT and SETT are tools for sharpening your ability to recognize from facial expressions what someone is feeling. If you haven’t yet used METT and SETT, do so now and then come back and use RE³.
You will need to know the differences among macro, micro and mini (subtle) expressions to learn how to respond to them:
- Macro expressions: these are the usual facial expressions that you can see without difficulty, because they typically are shown across the entire face, and last a few seconds. Most people don’t need help to spot macro expressions, but if you do, METT will help you.
- Micro expressions: these very brief expressions (about 1/25 of a second) reveal attempts by people to conceal how they are feeling. They may be the result of deliberate suppression, or they may occur when people are unaware of how they are feeling, the result of unconscious repression.
- Mini or Subtle expressions: These very small expressions, are usually limited to just one area of the face. They occur either when an emotion is just beginning to be felt, or leakage of concealed emotions.
The goal in RE³ is to become more considered in how you respond to another person’s emotions, more aware that there are always choices, and tradeoffs. While RE³ should make you more thoughtful about what to say, it does not train you how to say it – that would require in-person coaching.
If you want to learn more about emotions, what triggers them, and also how to respond to them, read Paul Ekman’s book Emotions Revealed, and his book co-authored with the Dalai Lama Emotional Awareness. If you are interested in Ekman’s ideas about how to increase compassion, read his latest book Moving Toward Global Compassion.
In RE³ Family you will see a son or daughter’s emotional reactions when they hear unwelcome news from a father or mother. You will also choose whether the parent you are about to see has a close or strained relationship with her or his son or daughter.
Even if you are not a parent we believe that you will benefit from RE³. What you will learn should apply to other intimate relationships.
- Everything that is said, all the choices and feedback, are exactly the same for the male or female parent, and for the male or female adolescent. So, just choose one (mother or father, son or daughter) and stick with it.
- You will be able to select which emotion the son or daughter is feeling, however we will show you sadness first. You will be offered a number of choices about what to say in response.
After you make a choice, you will receive feedback from Dr. Ekman about the advantages or disadvantages of your choice. We encourage you to select all of the choices, even ones you might not consider making, in order to learn from the feedback provided for each choice.
View every emotion the adolescent shows
- Select every choice about what to say and listen and watch the feedback about each choice.
- You will learn from the feedback even about choices you would never make.
View the adolescent’s reactions when there is a close or strained relationship
- What might be best to say depends not just on the adolescent’s emotional reactions, but the quality of the relationship the parent has with the adolescent. You will choose whether there is a close relationship, or a strained relationship.
- You can switch from close to strained whenever you wish.
- Once completed, click the ‘I’m Finished’ button to see a summary of the choices.
It is up to you: what to watch, what feedback to get, and how much of RE³ you use. Remember you don’t have to finish it all in one sitting. You have RE3 for one year. Use the Navigation button to view where you are in the program and to change your selections. The choices are yours!
To make this most applicable to you, please answer the following questions:
- I am a
- I have a
- We have a
- Child feels the emotion of
Change the relationship with your child
Change the emotional response of your child
Father Daughter Good Relationship Sadness
Before choosing your response, read through all the choices, then select the best one.
- A) Say nothing; act as if there was no sad expression.
- B) “I am sorry, but there is nothing I could do about it.”
- C) “I am sorry, I wish it didn’t work out this way.”
- D) “I know you are disappointed, I am too. I wish there was another way.”
- E) “Please don’t blame me; you mother’s out of town, the baby-sitter is sick and it is vital to my job that I be at the boss’s dinner.”
- F) “All of us face disappointments in life; you have to learn how to get used to it.”